It's the thing.

27 June 2017

Vent, Rant, Whatever (Sexuality Version 7million)

Hello, again.

Been a while again. I guess I'm getting a bit swamped with life lately. Can't really keep up with the whole writing thing.

18 November 2016

What The Fuck. (An Opinion)

That's all I'm going to say.

What the Fucking Fuck was 2016

What the fuck did we do to deserve this shitshow of a year?

15 October 2016

Depression, Anxiety, and Working Life

Hello again, Internet.

It's been a while again, I know. I'm getting quite inconsistent. I've reached the apathy stage of life. Everything is going wrong and it feels like I can't even begin to describe just what kind of bullshit is happening in the UK, but I can (somewhat) describe what is going on up in my head and in my life.

So, I'm on yet another depressive spiral - even though I'm taking my medication religiously and doing everything I can to try and minimise situations that will cause me to feel highly anxious and depressive. Unfortunately, one has come along and it's my own stupid fault.

I've caused some damage to a company vehicle, and while I could have originally told my boss about it, I opted not to, for fear of pissing him off royally (I'd only recently had to take another van in for a service and it came out needing £1k of repairs). And I'm also very heavy footed and I've broken 2 clutches in other vehicles. I didn't want to be that guy so I opted to just.. live with it. It was cosmetic damage after all, Nothing to worry about...

Well, he saw it.

Now I'm in for disciplinary and all that and I just got a quote back from the body repair shop and we're looking at £2k of repairs. So yeah.

Boss didn't help by treating me like a child and repeatedly saying he's disappointed and I should know better (once or twice is fine, I should know better, of course) but he said it at least 10 times in a 15 minute dressing down. I'm already anxious about my performance at work 60% of the time (despite customers specifically requesting me) and this just shot it to be at the forefront of my mind 100% of the time.

My entire existence for the last 2 weeks has been restless. I've not slept for more than 3 or 4 hours a night in the last 2 weeks. I'm convinced I'm about to get sacked. Jobs are already hard to come across, If I get sacked for this, no-one's going to want me. My parents are going to be disappointed in me because I lost a job because I made a small mistake. It's going to make my life hell.

On top of this - as a rule in the UK, your employer generally has to inform HMRC of any benefits you receive as part of your employment, like access to company vehicles, or health insurance, etc.

Turns out, even though I've had access to a vehicle since 2014, my employer has failed to inform HMRC of this, and they've found out - I now owe HMRC an extra £631 starting next April. I hate how my employer can even suggest I'm an unorganised mess when they can't even keep their own affairs in order.

The thing is - I was not informed of any procedures I need to follow while using company vehicles (I spent 70% of my working day driving them) - One day, my boss approached me, handed me a set of keys and said I needed to replace a colleague as they needed to stay in the office for personal reasons.

We have been far too busy to allow me training. Even my disability awareness training was a very minimal affair - and considering that my entire job revolves around teaching and trainign disabled people of varying degrees, from mild dyslexia, to bedbound - physically incapable of movement, people. I felt unprepared, and I spent many, many nights learning about many common and uncommon disabilities.

My employer - despite taking me on as an apprentice almost 9 years ago, has not given me any industry recognised qualifications. Any qualifications I was enrolled for never came to fruition, and only served to better the company, rather than their employees. As it stands, the only qualification I held (CompTIA A+) was self funded, and expired last month.. I currently hold absolutely nothing other than my GCSEs.

The last 9 years, bar a (now probably bad) reference, and a 9 year spot on my CV has no meaning. I dropped out of college (the last 2 years of high school to Americans), and I never went to university as a result.

I am an unqualified idiot with a computer.

I was considering suicide again the other day. It's growing more and more tempting by the day.

I want to better myself, I really do. But everything feels weighted against me.

8 September 2016

Sexuality post #872634

I know you're probably sick of me talking about my sexuality but FUCK I am just wound up right now and I just weirdly feel I need to explain myself so fuck it. My blog, don't give a fuck.

I'm (as usual) probably going to go off on tangents here and as I'm talking about myself, this may end up veering onto the topic of suicide and depression so yeah.

23 June 2016


I don't need a more descriptive title this time around, do I?

Unless you live under a rock, I'm pretty sure most of the world knows that the UK is about to undergo it's biggest political vote of all time - A vote on if we leave, or remain a member of the European Union.

20 May 2016

Taxes and Benefits (Sometimes Death)

Hello, Internet!
It's been a while, again, huh?

So, EU Referendum is coming up. And I'm getting pissed off!

So, here I go. Got a few things on my mind I've been meaning to talk about. First up, how the hell our government can justify such brutal cuts when those high earners can laugh all the way to the bank.

So, here in the UK, we've got this lovely party known as the Conservatives. Once headed by the infamous Margaret Thatcher, they're known as the Nasty Party.

Attempts to rebrand themselves apparently worked, as they're in their second term as a major party (first term was as a coalition with a smaller, more liberal party, but definitely controlled them)
They're still as nasty as ever, though instead of Miners and Schoolkids, this time, it's Doctors and Disabled People. And still schoolkids.. and everyone except the middle class and the financially elite.

I could go on about their past for a while, but I make a habit of living in the present, rather than the past. And I'm still unable to prevent myself from seriously going off on one, so I'm going to handpick a few cases I find are just beyond comprehension as to why even.

So, the big recent one is the Disability Benefit cuts.
Combined with companies like ATOS and Serco declaring people fit for work despite being absolutely not fit for work. Thousands have died, leading to inquests which shouldn't even be happening. It's also been revealed that there were Targets and Quotas within the DWP to try and get people fit for work. It's a toxic way of reducing spending, especially with such.. goals. Welfare is not a set of targets, it's people who need support to live.

But anyway.

The government, in Budget after Budget have decided to throw down and kick people while they're down. Cutting disability benefit by £30. On an already strained budget for disabled people, £30 a week is a few missed meals, or a loss of something that helps them remain independent.

The man who was in charge of enforcing this, one Mr. Iain Duncan Smith actually resigned, forcing the government to U turn. It's sparked a civil war within the party which is still raging to this day. Among other shenanigans, it revealed that he was the opposite of disliking this policy - he was pleading for people on the fence to vote for it. Nadine Dorries (Cons) said on twitter that Smith begged and pleaded for her vote for the cuts. Revealing himself to be a hypocritical, lying bastard.

All this to save an estimated £4.4 billion over 5 years in the 2015 - 2020 parliament.

You know what else could save (or earn) at least £4.4 billion?

Vodafone's £84b tax bill.
Ooh, Google, too. to the tune of £700mil
Ooh, ooh! Apple too! 

And that's just 3 corporations. Out of the whole UK business scene, there's a lot lot of tax dodging going on. And I honestly can't believe that the government take even smaller cuts of the tax owed and call it a day.

Google were effectively paying 10x less tax than me. This is a company can earns something to the tune of the above figure, paying just 2.5%.

In contrast, I earn 15k, and pay 20% in tax.

It's not fair. This is a problem that can be easily solved with just a few swipes of a pen to close loopholes, but the Tories, and actually, any of the career politician led parties just refuse to close the holes.Why?

Hm, I dunno.

Here's hoping those leaks get people really fucking ticked off, eh?

Never mind.

26 December 2015

Tumblr, I'm lookin' at you.

UPDATE: I have since learned that "Down With Cis" was a reaction to a false story and is funny. I am a dumb shit who doesn't read properly. :3c


I've been meaning to say this for a while. I am well aware people are going to read a bit of the article and promptly slam me to the ground. I'll just politely ask that you read it all the way through.

So. I spend a lot of time on Tumblr. I don't miss a single post from the people I follow. When I get home from work, I scroll through all the posts I missed while I was away, chuckling, giggling and generally losing my drink.

Tumblr is a great place where you choose who to follow, what to follow and everyone's tumblr experience is different. Mine is generally full of shitposts and stupid vines and pictures, and I love it.

But there's an extremely... toxic side to tumblr. It's the overly offended, knighting population of the site who can turn a simple innocent post into a war of being "offended" and misunderstanding.

I am aware that I am Cis, male, and white. And no, fuck you, I'm not apologising for that. I am what I am, and I'm going to rock it. Because what I am doesn't make me a chauvanist pig. I try to be understanding. I try to see things the way others see things. I am aware there's oppression in the system, there is legitimate homo/transphobia across the world. I'm not saying there isn't.

I see so many posts of people making innocent textposts suddenly political. I've seen users dragged through the mud over accusations from over 5 years ago. We all need to learn that people change, I mean, fuck. I've changed a lot even over the last 2 years. 23 year old me would be fucking disgusted at how open and shitposty I am recently. But that's because I've taken medication to help me stop being angry. To stop being overly analytical, and to (mostly) stop worrying.

I'm not saying everyone on that side of tumblr needs medication. Far from it.
What I'm trying to say is - Please take a day off. I know you want to do something good for the world, for the internet. But aggressively targeting users who are either joking, or you know - Don't know better - is going to prove detrimental to the cause.

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but screaming profanities and calling for people to die generally results in blocks and being ignored, even becoming hostile, or more hostile to whatever you were screaming at them for.

I've seen entire hate movements spring up within the site. "Down with Cis." among others. I'm going to be honest here. It's Fucking Childish. Do not fight hate with more hate. It only stokes the fire further.
Lets say I poked you right in the eye. It might have been an accident, or I might have done it on purpose. If you jab me in both of my eyes, I know that was on purpose then. I'm either going to jab you right back and call you a cunt, or just hate you outright, because you're a spiteful little shite.
Whereas if you say "Dude, what the fuck was that for?" I'll probably apologise because I'm not one for jabbing people right where they're most sensitive and I'll learn not to walk around with my fingers at eye level and sticking out.

It goes for what I say too. If you're not comfortable being called Dude, Pal or anything else like that (I use them neutrally. Everyone's a dude) - Tell me. I'll take it on board and I'll stop. I want everyone to feel comfortable around me.

Sometimes, just a gentle nudge towards some light, informative reading may cause people to, y'know, learn something. It has worked for me. I joined Google+ back in 2011/2012 and I met and befriended a lot of LGBT folks. I thought I was straight. I really did. Now with help and understanding over those fine folks (Who are still friends, both Tumblr and Twitter), I've learned about Asexuality, Polyamory, Pansexuality, trans causes, and what it is to be Trans.

I am still learning, there will be times when me (and others) may slip up. For the most part, we don't mean it. We want to understand. But attacking people and calling upon others to do the same is not going to help. It's going to alienate people. It's going to make them angry. Fight hate with love and they'll realise they're being dickheads and they'll stop.

Unless they really are dickheads. Then just block and ignore them. <3