19 August 2013

Feeling better! & Some Writing Practice


The usual mad content will resume soon. Getting mad at whatever gets me mad or whatever I happen to have quite an opinion on.

I had a whole Sexual Identity crisis for a little while, but I'm over it now. Took a long walk in the rain on Saturday. Let me see if I can write it out like it might appear in a novel; I need the writing practice.

"God damn it" He cursed under his breath.
He'd put off coming out until the rain had stopped, but it started again anyway. He was too far to turn around now. He'd put up with it. It's not like he had a purpose to be out here anyway.

He adjusted his not-very-waterproof jacket and maintained his speed down the road, the sprawling woodland in the distance was his destination.
He needed to get away from any kind of civilization for a few hours. The buzzing and beeping of phones, the madness of home life, the glare of the screens - it distracted him, annoyed him, suppressed his thinking.

He wanted to do this earlier, but things kept coming up, or it got too dark. Not today. He just left the house without warning. Still with his phone, of course.

Walking the street, he pulled his phone out of his jacket and booted up his AR game, Ingress. Until he got to the woodland, he couldn't get to thinking. He needed utter silence, and cars were not going to help any.

"It's been Thirty. Nine. Hours. since your last login. I was getting worried about you." said the phone.
It wasn't worried - it just liked to think so.

He walked down the street. Devoid of pedestrians, bar the occasional person running with their coats over their head, looking like some crazed hunchbacked beast, needing cigarettes and booze

He didn't care though. He just walked down the street, tapping on portals, hacking them and collecting items as he went. Pointless in the long run, but a good distraction from the rain.

Eventually, he reached the woodlands. He made his way down the pathway and into the trees and down the dirt path. This place was quiet enough, even in sunshine. The skies were grey and it was raining - there'd be no-one here for sure. Perfect. He hacked one last portal, and put the phone back in his pocket.

He walked for a mile. Two miles. Completely lost in his thoughts. He wandered over a small footbridge, walked along a hillside, crossed what he thought was a path, but had become a stream of sorts with the rain. It had gotten really heavy over the last.. Hah, who knows how long it was. His jacket was almost thoroughly soaked now, his boots were wet, he was sure he could feel the damp soaking through, but that was probably his head, he was wearing walking boots.

Eventually, he came across an extremely large pond. It was too big to be called a pond, but too small to be called a lake. The sign at the entrance of the park called it Crompton's Lodges, but as far as he knew, Lodges were small wooden buildings, not these.. lake things.

There was a small footbridge crossing the lodge at it's narrowest point, There was some tall water plants on one side of it, and the other side overlooked the lodge. It was hard to be seen when you stood on the bridge. It was perfect.

He walked to the center of the bridge. It was quite a nice view, even if the water was quite brown, and there was even an old broken concrete pipe sticking out near the center of the lodge.. And is that a tyre sitting at the bottom? He couldn't tell through the murkiness of the water.

He stood there for a while. He lost track of time. He didn't touch his phone once, it was blissfully silent. He'd never been anywhere so quiet and alone in a long time. You couldn't even hear the cars. The the pleased sound of rain, there were ducks splashing around in the water, and the sound of a million thoughts racing through his head.

He was having an identity crisis. Everything he ever thought he was came crumbling around him a few days before. He wasn't even sure of himself. And that was the worst thing, because until now, the only thing he was sure about was himself. Everything else was an unknown.

An INFP, he is the analyst, the introvert, the guy who needs all the details before doing anything.

He stood and thought in great detail for easily an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Maybe someone walked past him. He'd not notice. The only way he'd snap back to attention at this point would be if he finished thinking, someone tapped him on the shoulder, or he fell in the grimy water below him.

He snapped back to reality eventually. He was soaked to the bone; wetter than the wooden barrier he was leaning on - and that was wet when he turned up.

But in that moment - It was a moment of clarity. An entire hour and a half devoted to questioning himself and everything he had done in order to get him here. He left a new(ish) man, more acceptance for himself, but most importantly; he knew himself again.

He pulled out his phone. "Huh. Better get home, the cats will probably be trying to open the bin".

He tapped Ingress.
"It's been. Two. Hours. Since your last login. Welcome back." It said, it a not-so-welcoming voice.

That path he crossed before? Practically a river now. He walked down it anyway, he didn't have a care in the world, for now.

It's Pride Month!

It's June! It's Pride Month! Aaaand Gatekeeping is a thing, apparently. If I hear/see one more person post about how Asexuality is...