It's the thing.

11 September 2013

Defining Asexuality

I hate to be the soapbox-y type, but I am prone to it every now and again. I cannot guarantee I won't do it here either.  Also, actually putting a jump break in, because this might get long.

So, in the last year or so, there's been a huge rise in the awareness of Asexuality. The BBC, and Huffpost in particular being huge boons to the cause with the BBC article from 2012 and HuffPost's recent six-part series really helped Asexuality to get a lot of good exposure on the wider scale of things.

But, while lots of people are now aware of Asexuality and what it is in humans (How many times I've had to tell people I don't reproduce by mitosis.. or I possess both sets of genitalia), it still also has a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about those who identify as Asexual.

Here is where I make my personal attempt as showing what (maybe) the average Asexual actually is and is not, and maybe quell some Myths:


Asexuals are sex-hating people, avoiding sex altogether, and looking down on those who do.
So, if you were to visit the larger Asexual facebook group and get let in (It's a closed group) - you'll see a lot of posts are from people who are completely opposed to the idea of sex at all. Not to jab at them, some Asexuals are like this - as are some "Sexuals" - there's just a total lack, or a minimal libido there. But it gives a lot of people the wrong impression about Asexuals in general.

NOPE

As with any orientation, a vocal minority can set a stereotype which can be hard to shake off.
As I write, the rest of the LGBT movement struggles with their image - flamboyant displays of passion and camp-ness take over cities across the world a few times a year. Don't get me wrong - I love that people can express themselves how they like, but how someone else can identify with their orientation might be totally different from how you identify with it.

Asexuals are exactly like this, except on a more personal level. While yes, we can talk about our total lack of sexual drive or if it's just a normal level - it's a very core of what we are.
Most Asexuals I've met have either a relatively healthy sex drive, or even if it's low (Like mine!) they might not be totally opposed to the idea of sex.

Compromise is a thing - in any relationship. Personality quirks, conflicting schedules.. With a low-libido person, it's yet another way of compromise. Asexuals even more so.

If I was to personally enter a relationship and my partner wanted sex, I would not push them off saying "No, I'm Asexual."
Relationships are 2 humans coming together to share their love. If I can keep my partner happy, I will be happy to compromise and have sex should they want it. If they're happy, I'm happy. I might not understand why people have sex, but I am willing to compromise, because I love my partner.

Asexuals are prude, and clueless with sex jokes
Okay, so this one I personally can't weigh in on because I'm as described above, mostly.
I'm not exactly prude, I only get a few sex jokes and I still don't have a full understanding of a lox of sex stuff - I'm still a virgin (Yeah, look at me, the 23 year old virgin. Every teenager in a 5 mile radius just gasped and is now probably laughing and calling me a loser)

But I'll laugh at the jokes if I get them, I don't shy away from sex talk (much), but I do have a little bit of an issue with sex scenes thrown around in a lot of episodes of certain TV shows *cough*Game of Thrones*cough*

Asexuals reproduce by Mitosis, or have both working genitalia
What are you, high?

You can become Asexual if you want to - it's a choice
No.
Just like the other sexual orientations - Asexuality is one of those things that you are 

No matter how many times I log onto FB and check the group, every so often, I'll see a post asking "Can you become Asexual? I'm [reason]"

One even convinced he could down a few mixed chemicals and become Asexual.

No.
No. No. No. No.

You cannot become Asexual at will. Some Aces may find themselves for some time feeling sexual attraction - but they well well find themselves not experiencing it again. These aren't too common, and I've not yet experienced sexual attraction - so I cannot tell you what it feels like.

Celibacy is a choice - not Asexuality. Telling an Asexual that their Asexuality is a choice is like telling a gay person that their sexuality is a choice. It's not, and it will likely end in strong words.
I'm all for education, but there's only so many times in a day I'll hear it off someone before I punch you in the face.

In closing:
Asexuality's very basic definition is this; A Lack Of Sexual Attraction

That's it. Amazing, right?

If there's any more myths or saying you might want me to expand on, shoot! I'm not adverse to questions, no matter how squishy!