I was listening back to Stone Sour's "Through Glass" today.. I brought myself to look at a comment I made about a year back on the video.
"Sometimes I feel like this.
Just.. sitting on the sidelines, watching everything go past.
It's been years since I really got involved with anything or anyone.
I'm just stood on the other side of a pane of glass - the guy who knows a lot of people but the relationships aren't deep.
Fucking music, making me realise stuff about myself."
I've never been much of a people person. I've a very small group of friends. I've never really ventured outside of my little social circle.. And even within my social circle, I try not to get involved. Sometimes I'd like to know what others think of me, whether or not they feel like I'm involved in their lives in any way at all.
I never feel like I am. There's always someone else they know better than me, or someone they run to first.
Not that it's a bad thing, mind. Everyone has their best friends and close people, I'm not expecting to be everyone's port of call.
I'm more looking at myself and wondering why I never make the effort of getting to know people well. I just sit on the edges and look through the glass.
"I'm looking at you through the glass...Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home,
Sitting all alone inside your head"
I always felt like the one at the back, doing nothing, knowing no-one.
I have the most awesome friends who, despite pretty much abandoning them for keeping myself locked in my room to play WoW and other stupid video games, declining offers to come out, they've invited me to hang out again, and I accepted this time.
I'm awfully shy and with a few new faces (to me, anyway), I've been a little more withdrawn than normal, but it's nice to feel involved again.
There I go again, veering off course.
But yeah.. It's rare for me to get to know people. I guess I've just been burned a lot in the past.
Don't feel bad if I'm not chatty. I'm apparently subconsciously trying to avoid getting dragged into people's lives, because I feel a bit like a waste of space. I'm probably the least interesting person in the world.
... Jesus, that sounds depressing.
this is what happens when it's 3:30am and I'm tired and I shouldn't be writing.
Happy birthday to me!