I think I have it.
Or maybe I just don't know how to start.
I know I touched on this one a few months back, where I said I have all these crazy worlds and aliens and stuff in my head, but I'm sure I know what it is now.
I'm not satisfied with my level of my writing, I feel incredibly subpar, and my "D" in English GCSE doesn't help to disuade the fact that I feel shitty about my grasp on the finer touches of the English language.
You see all these fantastic authors with Degrees in English, and I'm just sat here with a D in English and a CompTIA A+ certification.
In honesty, the Certification I have was always meant to be a safety net for me, since I was about 17-18, I wanted to be creative, writing, art, design.. Just something where I could use this crazy brain of mine.
I never paid attention in English in school, because they had us study awfully old literature. while it's got its credit for making modern literature what it is today, there wasn't nearly enough focus on modern literature, it put kids to sleep, rather than make us interested - I was victim to that. It was only discovering more modern forms of literature that my interest piqued. But by then it was too late. I'd already started a tech-based apprenticeship, and it wasn't until I was 20 that I wanted to embark on some kind of creative career instead.
Now I'm 24.. It's a little late for me to be going to University. I doubt I'd be eligible for all these grants most get, and the tuition fees are enough to make a guy sick. and I don't think I could deal with another learning environment. I quit college (17-18. Late high School to the Americans reading this) due to being completely and utterly done with learning at a desk and taking notes. It was completely ineffective and I got resounding U's in my first year. I never went back.
I'm working on a Game Design course at the moment as well, which is a good stepping stone to get into the industry. But seeing the current state of the industry makes me scared to go to a big developer, and I'd feel worried about going indie, overheads and all that.
But back onto my original point. Heh, I sure do love my off topic.
I think a lot of people feel this insecurity about their work. It's a killer and it sends off a lot of creative types.
It's annoying to spend so many hours/days/weeks/months/years working on your masterpeices, only to look at another piece and find it's about 10x better, and done in almost half the time.
I'll work through it.
I think I will anyway.