It's the thing.

14 March 2014

I'm becoming a bit of a fuckup

There's days here or there where I just don't know exactly what I'm doing.

I'll sit there and press buttons. Read the text on the screen. Type lots. Get mad at what I type on the screen and delete it all.
At this point I've practically given up on writing for now, purely because my environment is so fucking distracting or just generally unhelpful, I've just driving myself crazier just trying to write. Even writing this stupid vent is labouring to me.

I've not exactly had a great month or two. My old Insomnia is coming back. I've had about 10 hours sleep or something in the last week. I've only been eating maybe 1 meal a day, but even that's a struggle sometimes. Work's driving me up the wall. I'm a drifter at the moment. Hovering between departments doing a bit of everything and generally being unable to connect properly with anyone. On top of that, students know they have the upper hand and are complaining to management just because they can.

Of course, despite my huge pile of "excellent" feedback, a single complaint and management are on my arse giving me an ear chewing. I'm getting fazed and it's almost getting to the point where I don't even want to pull myself out of be in the morning for anything, never mind work. But I can't sleep well. So I might as well get up and do something.

I'm sluggish, slow and generally nonresponsive. Poke me and I'll take 2-3 seconds to realise what just happened. Somehow I'm expected to do stuff.

I'd like to hibernate the weeks away. Maybe get a new job. Lose the debt I'm just about keeping up with.
But I can't. It's bullshit and I'm clawing at the walls, one step off completely losing the plot. Can't sleep anyway. Can't hibernate. Think I'll just crawl up a wall instead.

 Approach me and get on the wrong side of me right now, I'll probably snap at you or swing something in your direction.  Already done it 3 times today..