11 July 2014


Hello internet,

I fully understand that like, half of you are Fanboys (Or Fangirls). But there's a minority of fanboys (A very vocal minority, I might add) who drive me absolutely batty to the point where I'm about to go Malcolm Tucker on some people.

These people are so infuriating, I actively avoid going into anything I find interesting, because it's inevitable I'm going to run into one of these fuckers and lose my temper.

These fanboys I'm talking about are the type who will see what you like, or what you use, or what you listen to and decide to ream you out because it's not what they like or what they use

Screaming at me over the internet because I use an ATI Card, or a AMD Processor.
Or because I like the new In Flames material compared to their old stuff

It's stupid.

Hold on, let me get a rant from an "Old In Flames" fan. I got attacked by one of these cunts a few years back because I liked "Sounds of a Playground Fading"

"In flames has been putting out poppy shitty mainstream sounding metal since like 1999. Zombie Inc was one of their last good songs. This stuff is NOTHING like the old stuff. The Jester Race is one of the best epic metal albums I have ever heard in my life. This new stuff is seriously just like...What the fuck"

You don't like it. No big deal. It doesn't sound anything like the old stuff, because "The Old Stuff" was made in 1994. 20 fucking years ago. - Do you have any idea how much has changed, musically, over the last 20 years? I sure fucking don't, but I know that a lot has changed, and there's all sorts of new shiny things for musicans to play around with and experiment with

If you don't like it, leave it the fuck alone. Why do you constantly have to take a shit on something? You're not even being critical of it - You're just calling it shit.

You're practically doing the equivalent of just walking into a show, sitting at the front, looking disinterested and calling it crap.

You're being an entitled shit about what someone is producing and spending years refining.

"Ooh, I don't like it that way, you should go back and do it the way you used to do it!"
Hey, buddy - As a writer, if you asked me to look over my old stuff and asked me to do that again, I would punch you in the face - but music is different from writing yadda yadda yadda.

Yes, artists sounds do change, it's called progression. It happens everywhere. Political, Social, Musical, Creative.

We move forward as a species in everything we do, if you want a band that does the same thing over and over again, you'll be all:
"Wow, you guys never change, why do we even bother buying new stuff?"

Fanboys - especially elitist fanboys - are the most fickle little shites you will ever lay eyes on.

The most famous kind of fanboy is your gaming fanboy. These are the types who will completely dismiss a game and god forbid someone actually has fun with it.

"How can you like that? Have you seen its Metacritic score? It's an absolute pile of shit!"

They'll squeal, acting as if Metacritic is a god, and humans are a hive mind species

Humans are finicky, squealy creatures and if something doesn't go as promised they'll pretend it's the worst thing to ever exist

If I hear one more person say that the ending to Mass Effect 3 was the biggest letdown in gaming, I am actually going to flay you alive. Yeah, sure, before the extended cut came out it was a sack of shit - but that's a whole other bag of snakes - but when the extended cut came out, I was satisfied. It sure could have used a little more finesse and actual finish, but it cleared the story up in a nice way. Eventually.

As humans, we're different. We all like different music, games, etc.

I just wish there was less of a chance of being ridiculed for what I do in my spare time.

Coincidental, I assure you.

1 July 2014

Steam, Greenlight and Early Access

Alright! 1 whole month off from being shouty

I've been relaxing and playing video games and just generally goofing off. While having a slight meltdown over work stuff. I know, opposites. I keep work and life separate because I don't want to drive myself to an early grave.


So, while on twitter last night/earlier today, a discussion arose about Early Access games, and just how goddamn fucking saturated Steam - no, the entire internet is saturated with these half finished - "Promise we'll make it" games on Steam Greenlight, Kickstarter, Indiegogo - whatever.

Don't get me wrong, Crowdfunding is a fantastic tool for producers who want to remain independent from larger publishers who - at a whim can dissolve you, or give you a massive dicking, depending on your publisher.

But with successes like Star Citizen, Broken Age and many, many more - the less scrupulous developers will raise their heads and proclaim

"That's a good pie. I want some of that pie"

And they release a whole metrick fuckton of utter goddamn shite, it almost invalidates the damn platform. I actively dodge steam greenlight and early access games for this reason alone. Greenlight and Kickstarter now require a lot of research and monitoring before you even think about backing those projects.

So many times, we've seen "devs" take the money and run, delivering only a tiny amount of their promise, or actually just disappearing completely. The entire platform can suffer from Peter Molyneux syndrome and it's only now people are becoming aware of the actual shite that appears in there!

Speaking of Steam and other platforms, I have a huge problem with their "Promoted" area

Sometimes, I'll go lurk the steam front page, See what's on sale, see what's new, all that junk. I like video games. I get ideas from video games. Sometimes, I'll see a game on the promo slide that has this really interesting looking screenshot or artwork and I think "This is quite relevant to my interest, let me have a look at this."

BAM. Early Access. The game isn't even 1/4 of the way done, and we have some extremely Alpha looking gameplay on the first video that steam shows. You think I'm dropping £30 on a "Promise we'll finish it, really truely" game. Me personally - No. Hecka No.

I understand that people are interested in helping smaller, more unknown devs get their games out and finished while supporting them, but for god's sake, leave the marketing and promotion for when it's Nearly Done, y'know? You're advertising this extremely unfinished product - so when it does finally get another spot in a few months, my initial thoughts are always "Oh, there's that unfinished game again."

Again. I'm not shitting on Early Access. Again, games like Minecraft and Star Citizen pulled/are pulling them off quite well.

Games like Planetary Annihilation who are actually sending out physical copies of early access games to retailers to sell have zero fucking sense or priorities. What part of "I'll go down to the shop today to pay an inflated price for a game for the sake of convenience" (I have nothing against them. Sometimes you just want a game NOW) "and hey look I'll buy this unfinished game for full price and wait a year to play the finished product.

You're basically paying for the privilege of being an alpha tester.

Because of the truckloads of early access games and absolute piles of dogshit games making their way across steam's promoted area, is it any wonder I stopped bothering checking the main page every day now? It's almost getting back to the point where a title backed by a publisher is a sign of a good quality, actually finished product..

And even that's saying something..

"Memes", Irony, and the Internet's short-term memory

Hello again, internet. I'm back.  Content warning for this one! -> Antisemitism, Racism, General Bigotry It's all getting ...