16 January 2018

Starting 2018..

Hullo!

So anyway, 2018 so far huh? What a weird mixed bag.

Anyway.

I always wondered why people came out of Uni as different people, and now I'm starting to understand a little bit why.

Like.. I never really did get the whole Gender thing, I was like, 100% sure I was a dude, and I didn't really know the feeling of knowing anything else - So I just assumed - hey, I'm a dude, and that's okay.

The interconnectedness of the world is a magnificent thing, and I've surrounded myself with people all across the gender and sexual spectrums, and now I actually have time to think on myself and my feelings for once.. I'm actually kinda convinced not only am I Asexual - I'm also on the Gender Spectrum as well, specifically, DemiGuy.

Like, I spent a good week flicking through various wiki articles, pages, fluff articles on newspapers and generally experimenting with myself and clothing. And it just made sense. It was just, instant click in my brain.

I'm mostly a dude. It's a thing. I'm mostly comfortable in my body (Though I could do with losing some weight.. On it, though!) But I just have off days, y'know? I kinda just sit there and think. "Hey, y'know if I lost [what's in my pants] and swapped for [the other genitals] I really wouldn't mind. Whether that sentiment stands after it, I'm not sure. It's kind of like, I wish my body was modular, like I could just take parts of and swap it for different parts? I think that's the best way to explain it.

Admittedly, as well as my own exploration, VR surprisingly helped a LOT with the decision. Putting a box on my face in the height of my "Uhhhh" phase and booting up an experience which lets you change avatar (in this case, VR Chat) and I swapped to a default female avatar and for a short while, it felt right. I stood in front of the ingame mirror and waggled my arms about and thought "Hey, that's me."

Oh yeah I got an Oculus Rift with my Student Loan money. It's a legit investment I'm a game dev student :V

Now, because my classmates are mostly shitbrains I won't be going public with anything for a while (I mean these guys are basically /b/ and /pol/ personified but a little bit diluted. Some good eggs, but the loud ones are THE WORST.)

But yeah. I've started focusing less on the news and more on myself and my work. It's rather refreshing. I'm developing and it feels good. I've spent the last 10 years practically a walking stress monster and getting it out by screaming about current events. Now I've got time for a little introspection without worrying too much about where I'll be in 2 months time.. It feels good.

... Obligatory-end-of-post-gif


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